Kind of been in a funk lately. Always keeping my fingers crossed and wishing on things that aren't necessarily the best for me. I want to know how you think and why I wait around for you. I've been trying to turn people into something they're not for so long now that I have forgotten what it's like to meet someone that is just naturally all of those things. If that even exists. Hello, goodbye, hello and goodbye.
getting ready to move out and can't really remember a time when i was this excited. always ready for a new start. a little confused on a lot of other things. one little wrong move could mess up something big for me, but not sure which road will get me there. guess i'll find out.
trying to move out and crossing my fingers that it all works out. i don't think i have really ever been that excited for anything. aside from crossing my fingers on a place to live, also hoping that i really get to see you thanksgiving weekend.
"what a terrible mistake to let go of something wonderful for something real"
im about to let go of everything because it all turns out the same.
I get tired of you treating me like i'm one of your scripts. You spend time writing me out untill you get bored and push me aside untill i seem like a good idea again. You never finish anything, but at the same time i am allowing you to write all of these pages so im not really sure which one of us is being unfair.
so weird to me that i graduated college and now have a degree. not really sure what to do next.
I really hope I feel o.k. again someday. I find myself crying over Mitch and the only thing I want to do is talk to my dad so he can make me feel better about it, but it's just a never ending cycle. I can't think about this without feeling angry because nothing makes any sense to me. I just want something, anything, to make a little bit of sense for once.
I don't want to feel scared when I look at your picture. The bad things are all I can remember and for some reason it just seems unfair to talk about all of the good. I keep forgetting that any of this happened and i find myself wondering why and how any of it did. Some things really aren't fair. I would have taken care of you for the rest of our lives. I feel like im sleeping with my eyes open and everytime i blink i realize that none of this is a dream and knowing that i am never going to wake up from this nightmare makes me want to scream.